Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Happy birthday Nan

Dear Nana,

Today would have been your 70th birthday. I don't know why, but you not being here has really got to me today. We lost you in 2008 and I was devastated, but I guess I've put it to the back of my mind since. It's easier to pretend that you are just away I guess, silly I know. I suppose you're 70th has hit home so much because the whole family got together to celebrate Grandad's 70th in January and it was such a happy occasion, and it just doesn't seem fair that we can't do that for you!

I was going to take a birthday card up to the cremetorium for you, but well I don't like that place. I hate talking to a brick wall when all I want to do is talk to you in person. Anyway, I hope you have an amazing day and are looking down on us all. Happy birthday, love and miss you always <3

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Writing Challenge, Letter 1 ; To my best friend

After reading a writing challenge on another blog, I thought it'd be interesting to take part too and see how I do. It is a 30 day challenge, and each day I will write a letter to a different person. These people will be left nameless. So, day 1 is a letter to my best friend.

Dear Friend,

Well what can I say; it's been a wild ride so far hasn't it? I remember meeting you for the first time, and our first impressions of each other weren't exactly great. You looked at me in that way that you do and were kind of intimidating, you thought I was a bitch...thank god we actually spoke and found out how wrong we were about one another. I never thought we'd become close, but we did and I'm so glad that you are part of my have no idea!

You are the strongest person I have ever met, and don't deserve half of the shit you have to deal with. If I could make your life any easier believe me I would, but just remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I admire you for the way you just carry on even though I know most of the time you just want to run away.

I have never had a friend who I can trust with my life, until I met you. You are the one person I can tell anything and I know even if you disagree with some of my actions, you won't judge but will stick by me. Thank you for that!

I hope that some day you find the happiness you are looking for, because seriously you deserve it. You don't realise how amazing you are, and anyone who has ever met you can see that...everyone apart from you.

We have shared some amazing experiences together; some that I will never ever forget and I know that we will be friends for life because I just can’t imagine it any other way.

Love, me.

Monday, 3 January 2011

I have always wanted to be one of those people who keeps a diary, you know to have something to look back on when I'm older and see how I felt about things at certain points in my life. However, this plan failed miserably. So instead I'm going to have a go at blogging, it may not be for me but who knows :)

2010 wasn't exactly a brilliant year for me, but I fell in love for the first time but with that I also got my heart broke. I met Gav at my 18th birthday party, he came with a friend of a friend and the next day he added me on facebook. We got chatting and eventually he asked me out on a date, and to begin with I said no. Why did I say no? Well I'm not good in relationships, in fact you could say I'm quite scared of them. I love the idea of being in a loving relationship, but I haven't exactly had good examples of that in my family.

Anyway, eventually I gave in and we went for a meal and then watched a movie. It was a brilliant date, and we went out a couple of times afterwards. The problem is, a few of my friends know Gav and he did have a reputation so they weren't a fan...and let's face it, there is only so much you can take of your friends saying don't go there.

It got to a point where I was sick of people judging and voicing their opinions, so I ended things with him. It didn't take long for me to be pulled right back in and all of a sudden we were in a relationship. Things were brilliant, he was the first boy I introduced to my parents - both loved him. Then out of the blew we broke up, for what I reason I was never really sure.

We broke up in October, and I'll admit it took me a long time to get over him. I didn't stay in contact with him, because it was too hard and then out of the blue he text me on New Years Eve wishing me a happy new year and since then my head has been all over the place. To make matters worse he came into the bar where I work last night, with his friends - who all told me we are meant to be together. He told me he loves and misses me...all while standing with a girl he is apparently seeing.

A few days before we broke up in October I went to see a psychic, and she said that I wasn't meant to be with 'the fair haired boy, and don't go back to an ex and it could be dangerous'. It might seem silly, but I kind of believe in this stuff, so that's playing on my mind. I hate that just when I thought I was over him, he came in and I'm back to square one. Not the new year I was expecting.